All we are is dust in the wind

When the darkness of night visits me it doesn't matter how great my life is. Last night I was on my couch listening to some tunes from my CD player...and the feelings of complete lonliness and sorrow entered my mind and soul. It's like I'm getting eaten up from inside and I don't know what to do with myself... Who am I, will anything make sense me to me...will it be, a you & me? Confusion in life, but mostly...why am I here? To question existence is strange, and I've never wanted to be a helpless, sad person with too much sorrow to deal with life. I am life! I've been full of it since the day I was born... Strong, forceful, energetic, happy... But a part of me is not. A part of me is drowning with thoughts, and all I can do is write. So I did last night... I wrote a poem in Swedish. It made me feel better, but not less lonely.

What is it that makes life so hard? Does anyone know what they want and need? Do I?

Dark thoughts are scary. It's hard to know how handle them and make them OK... No wonder it's easy to hide this part of myself...who wants to deal with drama, trauma and scary thoughts. People don't talk about that stuff...they talk about happiness, good times, love. Have you ever talked to a friend and said; "remember when I was so fucking depressed that I thought I was gonna die"? Noone wants to remember...because we don't want to be complex. We want to be positive...happy...simple. But I'm not... I'm complex. I question love and life and happiness. How can I get there? Is there a ticket to buy...a one way ticket to harmony? What is the price...I wonder...

There are so many people out there with pain. I have people around me without love, without a job, without apartment...with too much work, too much illness, too little time...people that get what they don't want, want what they can't get, have something not good enough and love something impossible to keep. We are all struggeling. So is that what life is then...a struggle? To get to the next step, to move forward, to find happiness...a struggle? I'm not surprised people give up. But is the exit an answer or just another problem...

All we are is dust in the wind... It's the song that makes me feel just like that...like dust...and when the wind takes the dust, we better hold on to something... I'm still wondering what I should hold onto. Cause my life is good, but when the darkness of night visits me, I feel so very alone...and the tunes to this beautiful song is all I'm able to hold onto...that and my dark thoughts...