Never the bride...

I just talked about weddings with a guy from work, when he pulled a line from a movie about "always being the bridesmaid and never the bride". The words stuck in my head, and I couldn't help but wondering...will that be my reality? OK, I've only been a bridemaid once, but been a guest at about 10 weddings...

I was never a teenager dreaming about "the perfect wedding" like some girls do... Sure, I've thought about it and have a picture of it in my head, but it's nothing that I'm fixated about or dreaming about at night. I have always felt like my wedding day is far away...and to be honest, I have doubts it will ever be close... Not that I wouldn't want to, but because I just can't imgaine being that secure and happy in a relationship that I would walk down the aisle with a guy. It would be a wonderful feeling I'm sure, but also a scary one... Is he the one for me? What if I have doubts before the ceremony... How can I know for sure that "this is it"?

Well, before asking that question, I guess I should have "the one" or "one of the ones" to consider. Which I don't... So, I guess that's why I'm at 33 wondering if I will always will be the bridesmaid or in my case the guest at other peoples weddings? What if it will never be my turn? I guess I would miss to be the center of attention of the greatest party ever, but other than that I'll be OK. I think. I hope. I know. I...do!

Life is killing people

Life is great, right? There are so many things to do and see, and there's love and hope, and happiness and... I can go on and on...but you get the point. But in the middle of all the good stuff we find a much darker side of life. A place where more and more people end up in depression and fight against thoughts that are hard to grasp and deal with...thoughts that make us look death in the eye. Cause if we can't live, and we don't want to die...where do we end up?

I had a dark period last fall, and didn't know how to get out of it. I'm usually a happy a cheerful person, but started to keep things to myself, said no to parties, and struggled with lonliness... It took months and many diffucult nights with tears and hurtful thoughts before I got out of the dark cloud... I can still visit this place at times, but at least I'm out of the depression, and back into life. This summer, one of my friends mother killed herself. Depression. Left 2 kids & 2 grandkids behind, but didn't think life was worth living. And now, a person close to me is struggeling with anxiety and can't sleep at night... For months he has been very low...and I don't even know how to help him. Of course I've tried...but I feel inadequate.

It scares me what is happening in the world. Life is killing people. All the pressure, stress and stuff we have to deal with today...it's too much! People try to stand strong but after a while they fall down and can't get up... Please give people strength to live. We need it!